The Grief of Coming Home: Why Moving Back Home after living abroad Takes Longer Than You Think

We often return to France with a suitcase full of expectations. We tell ourselves: 'That’s it, I’m back in my element, reconnecting with my friends, my language... it’s going to be fine.' But after a few weeks, reality catches up with us. We feel out of sync—sometimes irritable, or strangely nostalgic for a life we actually chose to leave behind... Sometimes, we even hit a wall of blues.

In the psychology of expats, digital nomads, and modern wanderers, we often talk about 'migratory grief.' Because, yes—we aren’t just grieving a person or a place; we are grieving the version of ourselves that lived there. Coming home means accepting that we must let a part of our identity fade away to build a new one here. And that takes time. Sometimes, a LOT of time.

Why is "coming back home" such a long process?

The brain hates the unknown, but it hates the "almost known" even more. Upon returning to France, your brain expects things to be exactly as they were, but the goalposts have moved. You have evolved, your friends have changed, and the country's rhythm no longer resonates with the one you had adopted.

This feeling of inadequacy is what we call reverse culture shock. It is that painful gap between the idealized France of our memories and the reality of daily life. You feel like a stranger in your own country.

The stages of "grief" after living abroad

To navigate this period better, you must accept that there are cycles and stages:

• The "Honeymoon" Phase: The first few days are great. You enjoy the local food, family, and comforts. You are fueled by the excitement of being back.

• The Crash: Reality sets in. You start comparing: "Things were better organized/simpler/warmer over there." Frustration grows, and you feel misunderstood by those who never left. This is the hardest stage, which can lead to exhaustion, the blues, or even depression. This is where therapy is most valuable.

• Reintegration: The moment you start accepting that you are neither the person who left nor the person who stayed. You begin building a "third way." This is where coaching is most effective.

How to support yourself through this long process

Unfortunately, there is no "reset" button. Returning is a transition that requires patience and a great deal of self-compassion.

• Accept the grief: It’s okay to be sad about what you left behind. Give yourself permission to be nostalgic for your life abroad. Saying goodbye to that life is necessary to truly say hello to this one.

• Don't force the comparison: Every culture has its strengths. By spending your time comparing, you cut yourself off from the present moment. Try to see France with fresh eyes, as if you were a traveler who just dropped off your bags.

• Find your allies: Sometimes, those who stayed behind cannot understand what you are going through. Seek out spaces—groups, exchanges, or professionals specialized in expatriation or returning home—with other people who have experienced this return. Feeling understood is half the battle.

Finding your place is an inside job

If you feel like a "stranger" to yourself, no environment—no matter how familiar—can offer the sense of legitimacy you are looking for. Self-confidence isn't an indestructible suit of armor. It’s flexibility. It’s accepting the power to say, "Okay, I’m not quite in the right place here yet, and that’s okay. I’m giving myself time to flourish."

Conclusion: Letting time take its time

We want everything to be quick and efficient, and to be "over" our adventure in the blink of an eye. But grief, by definition, cannot be managed with a watch or a calendar. There is no "normal time" to readjust. Some will take 6 months, others 2 years.

What you are going through is deeply unique: do it at your own pace. Learning to embrace this shift in identity means learning to be patient with yourself. You are not losing time; you are integrating a rich and complex experience into your personal history. Be gentle with yourself: you will eventually find your place, not by forcing things, but by accepting to follow your own compass.

If you feel like this return is weighing heavily on you and you are looking for a space without judgment to "put down your suitcases," I am here to support you in that process. Let’s take a moment to touch base together, via video call or in person (62). Book your appointment here